she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
