Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
