Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
