just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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