Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
