i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
