he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
