ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
