I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
