You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
