im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Damn victory sex feels great
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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