He kissed a someone with a penis
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
