Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
