actually, I'm a sock model
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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