I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am available for nakedness
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
