Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
