Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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