two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
