need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
