every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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