Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
