It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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