dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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