Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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