We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
