I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
