Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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