True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
