Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
