Buhtt sex?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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