I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
