I'm so fucking centered right now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
