I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
