Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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