you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
