She is in my trunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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