I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
they need to just BURY HIM!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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