Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
