I will die if light touches me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
