You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
