ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
