bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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