i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
how does that bad decision feel?
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