What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
A+ Viking dick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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