i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
