This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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