I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
