I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
