i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
