he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
