Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
